I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
