please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
