WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
