I think i sorta joined a cult last night
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
