go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
