those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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