Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
