bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
