If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
being pregnant is like rehab
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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