Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
