dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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