One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
