I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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