I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
