too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
