she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
