I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
