yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
