Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
