i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
