just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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