you guys were way drunker than both of me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
