Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
