it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
kristin has been a bad kristin
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
