i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
