i will never coherently bang her
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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