She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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