Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
