Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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