Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
