I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
