When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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