Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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