yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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