my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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