Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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