I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
