He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
