do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
