im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
