Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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