You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
