my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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