you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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