I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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