I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
