No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
