If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
