I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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