what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
