i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
