Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
